Raising Awareness About Abuse and Narcissism

This is a poem that my counselor gave me as she seen me in this poem. I do as well and I am sure somem of you will:

There are times when people
disappoint you and let you know,
but those are the times
when you must remind yourself
to trust your own judgements and opinions,
and to keep your life focused on believing in yourself
and all that you are capable of.

There will be challenges to face
and changes to make in your life,
and it is up to you to accept them.
Constantly keep yourself headed
in the right directions for you.
It may not be easy at times,
but in those times of struggle
you will find a stronger sense of who you are,
and you will also see yourself
developing into the person
you have always wanted to be.

So when the days come that are filled
with frustration and unexpected responsibilities,
remember to believe in yourself
and all you want your life to be,
because the challenges and changes
will help you to find dreams that
you know are true for you.

I think this is a motivating poem and I really like it.

So in continuing from my last post here are the truths to combat the common myths.

Truth 1 - Abusive men are often gentle, loving clean and successful. There is no standard physical feature.
Truth 2 - Men who are abusive are often abusive only at home. They are friend in public and perceived as nice people.
Truth 3 - Abusive men can be found in all backgrounds and all education classifications
Truth 4 - Men who batter feel like they have no control over their violent behaviour, but they do. They make poor choices and can learn to change their behaviour.
Truth 5 - Abuse is an individual issue. Men who are abusive, are abusive with several partners not just one. Abuse wrecks relationships and battering is a poor choice involving power and control.

I simply found these myths and truths very interesting, as per my personal endeavours and conversations, I find a lot of people believe these myths and they simply need to be clarified and understood.

So I want to continue with some more myths to point out. This time, the focus is on the men who batter and abuse women.

Myth 1 - Abusive men are scuzzy, ugly and mean looking
Myth 2 - Abusive men are abusive in ALL of their relationships
Myth 3 - Men who batter are uneducated.
Myth 4 - Men who abuse are pyscopaths who have no control over their behaviour and lack morals
Myth 5 - Women cause the abusive by nagging
Myth 6 - Physically abusive men are physically abusive every day not just once in a while.

These are the top six myths, in my opinion about abusive men. I will combat these myths in another posting.

I hope you find these helpful. I find them quite interesting and they really do demonstrate the lack of education and knowledge of what abuse really is and of who is abusive: physically or emotionally!

In Continuing from the last post I would like to counteract those myths with the ACTUAL truths. Society really needs to be educated on abuse and what they believe.

Truth #1 - Many abused women are afraid to tell anyone about the abuse they have endured. The FBI estimates that every 18 seconds a woman is hit by her male partner.

Truth #2 - Abused occurs by all faiths

Truth #3 - THe abuse will continue and become more severe over time. Men who batter will try to stop but they are unable to without professional help. They need to learn healthier methods of dealing with their problems.

Truth #4 - Battering is dangerous. It is the most common way that women are murdered by men.

THE BIGGEST MYTH BUSTED:

Truth #5 - Abusive behaviour is LEARNED!!! Boys are trained to be rough and controlling. Aggression is learned from role models and there is very little proof that men and people have an instinct for violence!!!

So I have come across some disturbing myths about battered and abused woman that I wanted to share on my blog.

Mtyh 1 - Battering is rare
Myth 2 - Religious faith will prevent battering.
Myth 3 - The abuse will stop over time on it's own
Myth 4 - Physical abuse is not serious nor harmful
Myth 5 - Abuse is instinct. Men are agressive from birth.

These are the top 5 myths that I have found that are completely false but common beliefs in today's society. If you are one that thought these statements were true,you are strongly mistaken.

My next post will be dedicated to the truths behind these myths.

So I wanted to dedicate this posting simply to the flags to look for if you are in a new relationship or in a long term relationship. Hopefully these signs can help you if you think you may be at risk of being abused.

Abuse of alcohol or drugs
history of trouble with the law
getting in fights or destroying property
doesn't work and doesn't go to school
puts down other people
always, ALWAYS angry at something
you feel afraid to break up with him
are afraid to make decisions
find yourself cyring a lot or depressed
worrying and obsessing about how to keep your partner happy
abuse is getting worse over time
blames all the arguments on you
threatens suicide if you break up with him
tells you how to dress or act
has extreme mood swings
calls you names
compares you to former partners
control who you hang out with and where you go
forces you to be sexual when you don't want to
takes your money or takes advantage of you in other ways
doesn't listen to you or show interest in your feelings
lies to you


these are the main red flags: If your partner fits into any of these statements you are at risk for being abused. Becareful. If your partner fits most of these statements than you are at HIGH risk of being abused or already are and don't realize it.

When I finally left my relationship, it had taken me 10 months - from January - October to leave for good. I felt horrible and always thought that this was way TOO long and I lacked inner strength. Well, what I learned today in counseling baffled me and I hope I can share with you the definition of the cycle of abuse.

On average, women who have been abused leave their partner 7 times - yes 7 times - before they finally leave for good. Their abusive partner takes a 180 and turns into the ideal man telling them that they love you, miss you, are sorry for what they did blablablablablabla!! But, the fact is, we are women this is what we want to hear and we fall for it.

Leaving an abusive partner is a process that takes a lot of inner strength and time even years. If you have made the decision that you are ready to leave your partner you have taken the first step to freedom. Do not feel bad if you go back and fall into this cycle, you are not alone as millions of women out there do the same thing.

But, if you have read this posting, please make yourself aware of this cycle and be strong! Know the game that is being played and don't fall for it. Because if you do go back, the abuse will be worse than it was!