Raising Awareness About Abuse and Narcissism

On to the next section of the power and control wheel. For me personally, I feel the strongest and still have undealth with feelings on this part of the wheel...I find this tactic the most frustrating and irritating of them all.

*your abuser will not take the abuse seriously, nor your concerns about it and state that the abuse didn't happen. They will deny that they are abusive until they are blue in the face. To them, their actions are "manly or masculine" not abusive. Actually, with you raising your concerns of the abuse, it will cause your abuser to be more angry and for the abuse to get worse. They will blame you and tell you that you are hurting them and the cause of all the problems: DON'T BELIEVE THEM!

*Your abuser will shift the responsibility for their abusive behaviour. They may blame you, their work, their stressful life, the children, the busdriver...anybody but themselves. They never see themselves as the problem, and are ALWAYS angry at somebody for something. Hence my prior post "misplaced compassion"

*And of course the abuser will say you caused it. They may even go as far as stating you were abusive too! But facts show, most women only become abusive in self-defense. Your abuser will tell you you're crazy, you caused them to be like this, they are only angry around you nobody else. They will make you feel like you are the problem: But, you are not. They are! They are choosing which actions and behaviours to take and are making the wrong decision. You have nothing to do with it!

All in all, don't allow your abuser to blame you. One common question or thought that I see is "I blame myself because I ALLOWED him to treat me this way and cause it for so many years"...you didn't allow anything. Your abuser would have abused you, no matter how you acted or what you tried. Actually, had you fought back, the abuse would have been worse.