BELIEVE

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.
Norman Vincent Peale

About Me

I am a 28 year old single mom of a 9 month old boy. He is my world and my life. Before I was pregnant I was in a very physically and emotionally abusive relationship. My son gave me the strenght to leave that man to create a good life for my child. My life has now become a matter of protecting my child to make sure the pattern of abuse does not get imposed on him so he is a "benefit to society" not a "menace to society". I am in the midst of a court battle for visitation and child support and it is taking all that I have to stay strong for my son. His father harasses me every chance he gets and is trying to take control back of my life and I won't let that happen. Please note I am not a counselor or psychologist; I am simply sharing what I have learned through my personal experience and time through counseling and groups to recover from abuse.

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Friday, April 16, 2010
From my experience and my research a lot of abusive men suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have touched on this in past posts, however, I want to provide a list of symptoms and some further information on this disorder. Please read these symptoms carefully and compare them to your abuser.

* They believe that they are better than other people
* They exaggerate their acheivements and/or talents
* They expect constant praise and admiration
* They believe that they are special and act accordingly
* They do NOT recognize other peoples emotions and feelings
* They expect others to go along with their plans and ideas
* They take advantage of others
* They are jealous of others
* They believe that others are jealous of them
* They have trouble keeping healthy relationships
* They set unrealistic goals
* They have a very fragile self-esteem
* They appear unemotional.

When I read this list, I can't believe how much it describes my abuser. Had I educated myself before, I would have seen this disorder in him, many years ago. He would make comments like "I am hot, I should be famous. I am better looking than Brad Pitt" Or "My music is better than theirs I should be praised" (ya he can't even read music...???)...He thought and still does, that he was gods gift to women, this world and he deserves everything. He treated everyone like they were beneath him and needed to be constantly praised and complimented. If you are in a relationship with someone and this list sounds like them, you should consider the possiblity that this person suffers from this disorder, and stands a good chance to be abusive: If they are not already!

3 comments:

sugarplumdream said...

Hi, I hope you are well. I am taking an Abnormal Psychology class and wanted to add some details to your information. Narcissistic Personality Disorder falls under Cluster B of Personality Disorders in the DSM-IV-TR, which includes Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. It's much easier to identify someone as have a Cluster B personality disorder, and harder to narrow down behavioral symptoms of the individual disorders. Basic symptoms of Cluster B are 1) Disregard for and frequent violation of the rights of others. 2) Instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, emotions, and control over impulses, 3) Excessive emotionality and attention seeking, 4) Grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. Additionally, someone only needs to have three of the listed behaviors/symptoms to qualify for a disorder, so if someone reads through the list, I think it's important that they realize that their abuser might only exhibit 3 or 4 of the symptoms, and they might no exhibit the symptoms all the time. Ted Bundy is an example of Antisocial personality disorder, and he fooled many people with his charm. My point being not that every abuse is a murderer, but that they are charming and fool many people, meanwhile they abuse the a person or persons in their life that they claim to love.

It's also important to understand that there is no treatment or cure for these personality disorders. They are prevalent over the lifespan, meaning they won't just have it for a few years and then recover. Basically, if they are an asshole now they are going to be an asshole always, even after you leave/divorce/ separate, whatever.

What I'm trying to get at is someone out there could have an abuser that doesn't fit into narcissistic personality DO category. The abuser may fit partially in NPDO and partly in Borderline Personality Disorder, for example. I think that is what my abuser would fall under. Also, the exact behavior of people with these disorders varies depending on the situation they find themselves in. Meaning they may act out symptoms in a personal relationship, others might act out in work situations, for others family situations, others it might be initially seen in trouble at school when they are just in high school, or trouble with the law.

If I can clarify more please let me know and I'll do my best.

alisha66 said...

Narcissistic personality disorder is described as turning inward for gratification rather than depending on the others and as being excessively preoccupied with the issues of personal adequacy, power and prestige. It is closely linked to the self-centeredness.

Wanda said...

I've been reading your very interesting blog. I'm glad you let your abuser and fled to safety. I too, left my husband and took my 9 month old daughter with me. Keep writing so people can learn about abuse.

Wanda
http://windowpanewriting.com

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