Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.
Norman Vincent Peale

About Me

I am a 28 year old single mom of a 9 month old boy. He is my world and my life. Before I was pregnant I was in a very physically and emotionally abusive relationship. My son gave me the strenght to leave that man to create a good life for my child. My life has now become a matter of protecting my child to make sure the pattern of abuse does not get imposed on him so he is a "benefit to society" not a "menace to society". I am in the midst of a court battle for visitation and child support and it is taking all that I have to stay strong for my son. His father harasses me every chance he gets and is trying to take control back of my life and I won't let that happen. Please note I am not a counselor or psychologist; I am simply sharing what I have learned through my personal experience and time through counseling and groups to recover from abuse.



Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Are you in an abusive relationship? There are so many women out there who are in an abusive relationship and don't even know it. They think they are simply being treated poorly and are in an unhealthy relationship. The below phrases describe an abusive relationship:

*One or both partners yells, hits, pushes or intimidates
*One partner has limits and restrictions imposed upon them with regards to outside relationships
*One partner holds all of hte decisionmaking power
*One partner is not able to communicate feelings, needs and desires and they are not respected
*Mistrust and dishonesty are tools frequently used to undermine the self-esteem and self-worth of one partner
*One partner is not allowed to have any boundaries
*One partner regularily changes their behaviour, opinions or choices to accommodate their partner because of fear
*One partner is not able to care for themselves because the focus is on the other partner in the relationship
*One partner feels threatened when the other wants personal growth resulting in feeling trapped
*One partner forces or coerces the other to engage in unwanted sexual activity.

If these phrases describes you and your relationhip, then you are in an abusive relationship. This last series of posts are meant to raise more awareness as to the difference between the 3 type of relationships. If you are being abused, please do something about it: Seek help, talk to friends, speak with counselor's - anything. But don't stay and don't let your partner take away your self-worth. Like the cover girl commercials say "YOU ARE WORTH IT!". Don't you ever forget that!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
So I have added a new picture at the top of this blog. When I found this picture I thought it was perfect for my blog.

All of us abused women are like Cinderella. We have gone through our hardships, been treated poorly and lived through it. Our prince will come and show us women, what a real man is like and how a women SHOULD be treated!

We all deserve happiness like Cinderella. We will have our fairy tale endings, and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
Do you know the difference between an unhealthy relationship and an abusive relationship? If you do not, I hope that this post can help you. I am going to list some phrases (like the post prior) but these phrases describe an unhealthy relationship.

*Resolving conflicts in a manner that leaves one of both partners feeling unheard and conflict is not resolved
*One of both partners feel guilty for having independent relationships
*One of both partners feel that all opinions should be the same
*One of both partners feel unheard and unable to communicate feelings, needs and desires
*There is mistrust and dishonesty in the relationship
*Privacy is not respected
*One or both partners feel pressure to change into something they are not
*One or both partners feel guilt for taking time out for themselves
*There is a feeling of being stifled
*There is a feeling of sexual pressure to engage in unwanted sexual activity.

If these phrases describe your relationship, than you are in an unhealthy relationship. Work with your partner on trying to improve things or move on! Being in an unhealthy relationship will not last in the long run so save yourself some heartache!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
So at my group last week, we had a great exercise in which we were given a sentance and had to read it and determine if it fell under a healthy, unhealthy or abusive relationship. It was quite interesting and a lot of the ladies thought that certain things were unhealthy when they were indeed abusive. I am going to start a series of posts going through these sentances so anyone reading this, can determine if they have a healty, unhealthy or abusive relationship. I found it to be great and I learned a lot. I hope you all do as well.

I am going to start backwards, and go with a healthy relationship. If the following sentances describe your relationship CONGRATULATIONS you are in a healthy relationship. This is the ideal relationship and one that we should all be working towards being in.

*Resolving conflicts in a rational, peaceful, and mutually agreed upon way
*Having independent relationships with friends and family and having independent activities.
*Discussing things, allowing for differences of opinion and compromising equally
*Expressing and listening to each other's feelings, needs and desires
*Having honesty and trust with yourself and each other
*Respecting the need for privacy
*Respecting each partner's uniqueness; allowing each partner to be themselves
*Having good self-care practices
*Having the space for personal growth and learning
*Sexual boundaries are respected.

So CONGRATULATIONS to you if your relationship falls within this category. This is something that I want one day. If you have read this, and it does NOT describe your relationship, come back and read this blog again, to learn about unhealthy and abusive relationships.

We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be in a healthy relationship. Hopefully, all of us can find this someday!
Monday, December 21, 2009
To my many followers (lol):

I have not been diligent over the past few days in posting to my blog.I have so much to write and so little time.

This is my first Christmas being a mom, and I have gone way overboard! don't we all! With the shopping, wrapping, decorating etc I haven't had the time to come on here over the past few days, but I will again once the holiday season is over.

I know my son is only 9 months old, and probaby has no idea what's going on, but he loves the decorations and is curious as to the presents under the tree. I am just so excited I can't help myself. Christmas is sooo magical when there are children around.

Sorry for my lack of diligence, but I have some new information and posts to write, I just need to be able to find the time over this hectic season to get it in!

I wish anyone who reads this blog a very MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! May your holiday season be filled with happiness, safety and joy
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Triangulation! What the heck is this? Well, i just learned this term at my group last week and couldn't believe what it meant, and how common it is.

Triangulation is when the abusive partner calls the family members and friends of the abusee and tries to turn everyone against the abusee. From my group and the chat that us ladies had, this starts early in the relationship.

If your partner has been making unacceptable phone calls to your family members and friends about you, beware! He is trying to turn everyone against you, so that he looks better and like the sain one and you look like the crazy one who has issues. This is a very common technique, one that I experienced, but not one that ever knew a term existed to define and I never realized that other men do this to their partners! I was FLABERGASTED! and shocked the say the least when I realized how common it is, in abusive relationships.

So beware of the triangulator!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
So now that you have some definitions and understanding of how our way of thinking helps our anxiety, I am going to describe an excercise that my counselor gave me to do. It worked great and I still use it to this day.

When you get upset and become anxious.
Write down what the event is
Write down the "negative thought definition" that describes what you are doing
Write down a positive thought to replace this negative thought.

Keep repeating this positive thought over and over and over. Try to focus on the positive instead of the negative.

Do this for every anxious response and event that occurs in the next week. You will see a pattern and you will see that this will help.

Good luck on becoming anxiety free! Remember, I am not a counselor, simply relaying the information and exercises my counselor has given to me!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Ok so this is a little off from the anxiety, I am going to continue with that, however I have beeen doing a lot of research on the link between narcissistic personality disorder and an abuser.

I found a FANTASTIC blog that you need to check out if you are looking for information on narcissism. it's great!! I LOVE IT!!! I have also added it to the blogs I follow. Once I find more information on the link and have created my theories (I already have a few) I will be posting more on narcissism and the link between it an abusers!!!!

It does appear to be a stale blog - the last posting was in April 2008 - but the information and discussions you will find there are very informative.
Friday, December 11, 2009
There is a technique that I have learned from my counselor that has really helped me in overcoming my anxiety. I hope that it too, can help you. It is challenging but well worth it!

I am going to start be providing a few definitions of the way that anxiety sufferers think:

OVERGENERALIZATION: Any problem is made to look bigger than it really is. Words are used like "never, always, everybody". This makes an occassional occurance seem like an intolerable ongoing event. Basically, exaggerating which creates an anxious response.

BLAMING: Other people are doing bad things to you usually on purpose. By blaming, you are giving up the power to change a situation.

COMANDING: Using words like "should have got to" Having values is a healthy thing, but when they are raised to the level or moral dictates, problems with anxiety occur.

MAGNIFYING THE SITUATION: You turn a bad situation into the worst possible conclusion and continually set yourself up to relive this worst possible conclusion.

MISATTRIBUTIONS: Jumping to conclusions and mind reading.

These are the negative thoughts that anxiety sufferers experience, when going through a panic attack, or simply living with anxiety. The first exercise, is when you find yourself thinking this way, try to change these negative thoughts with positives ones!! Yep, it's difficult, and it will take you a while, but eventually you will right away, see and understand that negative thought and try to replace it. For example:
Lets use magnifying the situation. You are thinking "It's all over for me now. I'll never be able to show my face around here again!

Replace these negative thoughts with positive ones like: Yeah, this is frustrating but it's not the end of the world. or yes this is embarassing but tomorrow, everyone will forget!!!

Developing new positive coping thoughts will really help you in relieving your anxiety. I hope this works and next post I will move onto the next step.

These exercises really worked for me, and I can now deal with situations and events better than I ever could!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
This is a poem that my counselor gave me as she seen me in this poem. I do as well and I am sure somem of you will:

There are times when people
disappoint you and let you know,
but those are the times
when you must remind yourself
to trust your own judgements and opinions,
and to keep your life focused on believing in yourself
and all that you are capable of.

There will be challenges to face
and changes to make in your life,
and it is up to you to accept them.
Constantly keep yourself headed
in the right directions for you.
It may not be easy at times,
but in those times of struggle
you will find a stronger sense of who you are,
and you will also see yourself
developing into the person
you have always wanted to be.

So when the days come that are filled
with frustration and unexpected responsibilities,
remember to believe in yourself
and all you want your life to be,
because the challenges and changes
will help you to find dreams that
you know are true for you.

I think this is a motivating poem and I really like it.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
So in continuing from my last post here are the truths to combat the common myths.

Truth 1 - Abusive men are often gentle, loving clean and successful. There is no standard physical feature.
Truth 2 - Men who are abusive are often abusive only at home. They are friend in public and perceived as nice people.
Truth 3 - Abusive men can be found in all backgrounds and all education classifications
Truth 4 - Men who batter feel like they have no control over their violent behaviour, but they do. They make poor choices and can learn to change their behaviour.
Truth 5 - Abuse is an individual issue. Men who are abusive, are abusive with several partners not just one. Abuse wrecks relationships and battering is a poor choice involving power and control.

I simply found these myths and truths very interesting, as per my personal endeavours and conversations, I find a lot of people believe these myths and they simply need to be clarified and understood.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
So I want to continue with some more myths to point out. This time, the focus is on the men who batter and abuse women.

Myth 1 - Abusive men are scuzzy, ugly and mean looking
Myth 2 - Abusive men are abusive in ALL of their relationships
Myth 3 - Men who batter are uneducated.
Myth 4 - Men who abuse are pyscopaths who have no control over their behaviour and lack morals
Myth 5 - Women cause the abusive by nagging
Myth 6 - Physically abusive men are physically abusive every day not just once in a while.

These are the top six myths, in my opinion about abusive men. I will combat these myths in another posting.

I hope you find these helpful. I find them quite interesting and they really do demonstrate the lack of education and knowledge of what abuse really is and of who is abusive: physically or emotionally!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
In Continuing from the last post I would like to counteract those myths with the ACTUAL truths. Society really needs to be educated on abuse and what they believe.

Truth #1 - Many abused women are afraid to tell anyone about the abuse they have endured. The FBI estimates that every 18 seconds a woman is hit by her male partner.

Truth #2 - Abused occurs by all faiths

Truth #3 - THe abuse will continue and become more severe over time. Men who batter will try to stop but they are unable to without professional help. They need to learn healthier methods of dealing with their problems.

Truth #4 - Battering is dangerous. It is the most common way that women are murdered by men.


Truth #5 - Abusive behaviour is LEARNED!!! Boys are trained to be rough and controlling. Aggression is learned from role models and there is very little proof that men and people have an instinct for violence!!!
Friday, December 4, 2009
So I have come across some disturbing myths about battered and abused woman that I wanted to share on my blog.

Mtyh 1 - Battering is rare
Myth 2 - Religious faith will prevent battering.
Myth 3 - The abuse will stop over time on it's own
Myth 4 - Physical abuse is not serious nor harmful
Myth 5 - Abuse is instinct. Men are agressive from birth.

These are the top 5 myths that I have found that are completely false but common beliefs in today's society. If you are one that thought these statements were true,you are strongly mistaken.

My next post will be dedicated to the truths behind these myths.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
So I wanted to dedicate this posting simply to the flags to look for if you are in a new relationship or in a long term relationship. Hopefully these signs can help you if you think you may be at risk of being abused.

Abuse of alcohol or drugs
history of trouble with the law
getting in fights or destroying property
doesn't work and doesn't go to school
puts down other people
always, ALWAYS angry at something
you feel afraid to break up with him
are afraid to make decisions
find yourself cyring a lot or depressed
worrying and obsessing about how to keep your partner happy
abuse is getting worse over time
blames all the arguments on you
threatens suicide if you break up with him
tells you how to dress or act
has extreme mood swings
calls you names
compares you to former partners
control who you hang out with and where you go
forces you to be sexual when you don't want to
takes your money or takes advantage of you in other ways
doesn't listen to you or show interest in your feelings
lies to you

these are the main red flags: If your partner fits into any of these statements you are at risk for being abused. Becareful. If your partner fits most of these statements than you are at HIGH risk of being abused or already are and don't realize it.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
When I finally left my relationship, it had taken me 10 months - from January - October to leave for good. I felt horrible and always thought that this was way TOO long and I lacked inner strength. Well, what I learned today in counseling baffled me and I hope I can share with you the definition of the cycle of abuse.

On average, women who have been abused leave their partner 7 times - yes 7 times - before they finally leave for good. Their abusive partner takes a 180 and turns into the ideal man telling them that they love you, miss you, are sorry for what they did blablablablablabla!! But, the fact is, we are women this is what we want to hear and we fall for it.

Leaving an abusive partner is a process that takes a lot of inner strength and time even years. If you have made the decision that you are ready to leave your partner you have taken the first step to freedom. Do not feel bad if you go back and fall into this cycle, you are not alone as millions of women out there do the same thing.

But, if you have read this posting, please make yourself aware of this cycle and be strong! Know the game that is being played and don't fall for it. Because if you do go back, the abuse will be worse than it was!
Monday, November 30, 2009
I want to define exactly what Parental Alientation Syndrom is. Until I was going through the court process with my sons father, this is a term that I had never heard of before. But, it was thrown around and therefore struck my curiosity to learn about it.

This syndrome is classified as child abuse. Parental Alienation Syndrom is when one parent, slanders and puts the other parent down to their child, in hopes of turning their child against the other parent. Seriously, that's what this means.

Yes, during a custody case and divorce or separation there is animosity, anger, hate and emotions are flying high. But parents, lets be mature about this and keep the children involved innocent to what is going on. They are not pawns and are not be used to try and hurt the other parent: This only ends up hurting the children.

You love your children don't you? Then do what you can to protect them. Children who come from separated parents have enough to deal with emotionally, and being caught in the middle and dragged into the battle is not fair to them. They are innocent beings who love their parents and don't deserve to be treated this way.

So all in all: Leave the battle for the court room and your nasty opinions of each other to yourself! The children involved should NOT be subjected to this hate and anger. It will have a profound long term effect on them! And personally,I wouldn't what that on my conscience.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
so last night I received an interesting comment from a women named Maybel Laine. I just had to respond to this comment. Firstly, I 100% urge everyone who reads my writing to comment, positive or negative, I am interested to hear your opinions on my writing. This comment means my voice is being heard.

In her comment there were a lot of assumptions that were made based on what I have written so far and I definitely want to clarify, in case any one else out there is making the same assumptions.

First: I do all my writing while my son is sleeping or visiting his father. This is my therapy and something I am passionate about. I love to write (always have) and have taken several writing courses through out my university and college careers. I have an 8 month old who takes naps during the day and goes to sleep early at night. I have some free time and what I choose to do with my free time is write! It is my hobby that I enjoy, so if you have an issue with me writing so what!!!!

secondly: I have always encouraged a relationship between my son and his father. I have also ALWAYS encouraged his father to get the help I feel he needs. I do not want him to treat my son the same way he treated me. Yes, according to Maybel Laine he has faults, but they don't matter. Well, they do matter. My son is an innocent child who doesn't deserve anything but the best. My son's father's, mother also encourages him to get the help he needs: yes he has faults, yes I have faults. But ultimately we should both improve ourselves for the sake of our son. I have done this and don't feel that he has.

thirdly: The battle in court I refer to in my profile, is over the father coming to me to see his son. I disagree with the principle that I should have to drive my son to his father and bear the expense. I don't receive child support and I deserve a few hours a week to my self; After all, this is when I write. It clears my head, gets things off my chest and helps me to raise awareness for other women out there like me. I know from readers and friends, that so far, my words are helping them. If I help only one person in this world, than I have succeeded in my goal! The court hearings are also about sole custody and child support. As Maybel Laine pointed out, it takes two to make a baby and two to raise him: This includes financial expenses! I love that men out there don't want to pay any expenses to help with their child, but feel they deserve all the rights! Why do us women have to bear the expense alone? I am against and strongly disagree with this notion. After all, with holding child support is ANOTHER form of abuse according to my counselor.

Fourthly: My writing is focused on abuse, raising awareness and having my voice heard. I don't want to focus on my son's relationship with his father; as this is between my son and his father. I have no say in how their relationship is. It is up to the father to build that relationship with my son. The only opinion I have is that the father better not treat me son poorly as the protective mother in me will come out if this happens! I am focusing on raising awareness and creating a place for women of abuse and sharing my story. Not about a relationship between an abusive man and his son. But by all means, he is more than welcome to write about his challenges and his story. That is his right!

So Maybel thank you for taking your time to read all my writings I really appreciate it. Thank you for taking your time to write a comment I also appreciate that. I hope this posting clarifies any assumptions that may have been taken from my reading so far. I don't fully understand where and how you came to your assumptions, but would love to hear from you as to what piece of writing it was that allowed you to jump to those conclusions!!! And I don't know what country you are in, but in the U.S.A you only get 6 weeks maternity leave, so there are millions of moms working with a 7 month old!!! Americans are not that lucky in this sense!

I love that people are reading what I have to say - this is my goal. I want abused women to know they are not alone and for society to understand what abuse is, and how common it is! I can list over 20 people off the top of my head, in my personal life, that have been abused in some form or another by their partner. It is a real issue and one that I am passionate about! Hence, my blog!!!!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
So through my counseling and groups, I have to come to find a very common ground between all of the women: We all suffer from anxiety! I developed anxiety at the beginning of my abusive relationship: Although I didn't know that it was anxiety, actually I didn't what it was at all and was sick of my doctor telling me I was a hypocondriac.

See, I would wake up at night nauseated and vomitting for what appeared to be no reason at all. During the day I would be shaky, my heart would pound, I had trouble breathing and would hyperventilate, I would feel dizzy and constantly tired. When I had a panck attack like this at work it got recognized as a symptom of anxiety. This was a shock to me.

I began to learn more and seeked help for it. I was never fully in control of my anxiety when I was with my abuser, but now, one year later I am anxiety free. I am still a worry bug - but I relate this to being a mom!!!

Being a victim of abuse has proufoundly affected me and it has changed me: But, for the better. Although I went through hell, and I am still going through difficult times I will be a stronger women and a better mom. It has made me who I am and created a passion to raise awareness of what abuse is and to reach out and try and offer a place for victims to talk and to feel comfortable: WE DESERVE THIS!!! and we shouldn't be embarassed and ashamed any longer.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
So, if you have physically been harmed by your partner: Please please please please, go see a doctor about it so you have it on record. Your partner doesn't need to know, you can simply state you are going for a physical or female issues or don't even tell him/her that you are going.

The fact is, if you are being physicall harmed, you are not going to stay forever. You may not yet have the confidence or courage to leave, but you will one day. And to protect yourself for that day, get the proof that you will need.

I have learned that unless you have it documented by the police, hospital or doctor it becomes a he said/she said battle. Your abuser is not going to admit that he/she hit you, so you need to ensure you have something indicating that it occured.

Protect yourself for the future.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
So I wanted to make a post solely dedicated to the family law court sytem, in canada. I am currently still going through it, but as when I first started I had no clue what to expect:

First step: You go to court and file for custoy and other stipulations. they give you a court date.
second step: At this court date, nothing happens you simply set a date for a case conference.
third step: At the case conference you file your notes and the other party files theirs. here, a judge can not make a decision simply gives you his/her opinion. You are sent out to the hallway and your lawyers try to negotiate a temporary agreement. If it is met, it is for a certain time only. If it is not met, you will file a motion.
Fourth step: A temporary order was madea at the case conference and a few months later a settlement conference is scheduled. This is exactly the same as a case conference except the temporary order will be in place until trial. Or you can settle on a final order if the parties are in agreement.
fifth step: If no agreement is made, you will file a motion. Here is where evidence is submitted and the lawyers argue for you infront of a judge.Here, a judge WILL make a decision, temporary with a set period or until trial.
sixth stage: I am not this far yet so as I go, I will let you know!

I hope this helps answer your basic questions. I know when I started I was constantly searching for information and found very little in my search and was left learning as I went.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I have come to learn that despite my inner thoughts,I am still grieving this abusive relationship that I left over one year ago. I don't think about the guy, I don't desire him (shoot! I didn't while we were together), but I still hate him. I still have anger and he still knows how, and can frustrate me. Well, I guess I'm still grieving. It has been a year and I haven't dated, and don't want to date because I guess, as much as I hate admitting it, I am not ready to date!!

I have come to learn that grieving is a process in which the timeframe varies from person to person. There are three basic stages, the first is shock, disbelief, denial or acting stage. This would be when I left him. The second stage is the longest and filled with the most variances of emotions: From sadness to crying to hate and anger. Any emotion that is still felt towards the loss that you are grieving. And the third stage is the final stage where you are ready to move on with your life. Despite my greatest efforts, I am not quite here yet, I am stuck in the middle stage.

But in stating this, there is nothing wrong with me! Everyone is different, everyone grieves differently and everyone takes their own time to grieve. Al though I am still grieving I am in denial about grieving over him! I am grieving over the abuse and not ready to make myself vulnerable again! Hopefully, I can in due time, as life goes on!!!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Another painful form of abuse that leave a person helpless and broken, is when their partner cheats on them. I can't tell you how many people say to their partner "I would never cheat. I would leave you before I cheat"...(how many times have you or one of your friends made this statement or had it made to them). If you say this, please honour it!!! Why do men/women feel it neccessary to cheat on their partner? If you are not happy in the relationship, for what ever reason, then leave it! Don't stick around betraying your partner. This is disrespectful and leaves your partner helpless and broken. Not to mention, that person will develop trust issues and baggage that they will carry around with them.

In my opinion, being cheated on in another form of abuse. It has the same repurcussions and affects a person for the long term. It makes me sick, when I'm in a relationship, to think about my partner being with another women and the wonder and thought of it, can drive a person crazy!

It angers me, to hear stories of people trying to find out and suspecting it, but not knowing for sure: When they confront their partner they DENY DENY DENY. Well let me know tell you, your gut instinct and intuition is a powerful thing. If your body is telling you something is wrong, trust it!!! Don't ignore that feeling in the pit of your stomach and don't stick around to make yourself crazy. Chances are, that person is cheating and if they are not, then you do not trust them. Either way, the relationship is doomed so why delay it and have your self hurt more!!!!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
So for those who (hopefully) will end up reading some of my blog, I am going a bit off topic with this posting. I have decided to start this blog to try and help those in abusive relationships, and raise awareness. It is a great place for me to share my opinions and here that of others!

For those of you who are moms, if you are anything like me, cooking is not a passion, but darn it I ENJOY EATING!!! Now, being a single mom and raising a son, I just don't have the time nor the money to eat out. Not to mention it is quite embarassing to go to a restaurant and have my son start screaming and not be able to stop. So eating out, has been basically eliminated from my life.

While surfing the net trying to find a "cookbook for dummies" type idea, I found a fantastic cooking collection that I must reccommend. It contains secret recipes from your favorite restaurants. The one I use the most is KFC!!! I love to now entertain and cook for meals actually taste good and are within my budget. I had to share my opinion, as I just finished cooking the most fantastic meal EVER and it got me excited and wanting to share it with all. I have added a link at the bottom of my blog, for those of you who want to check out this collection. It is the only collection you will need again for cooking and will save you hundreds of dollars!!
When I started to realize that i was in an abusive relationship, and started to seek help for the abuse and learned what abuse is, the term "narcissistic" came up frequently in my endeavour. What I learned and realized is that those who have a narcissistic personalities, are prime candidates to be abusers.

Narcissistic people have huge egos, a need to be admired and feel superior to other people. But, they are fragile, very sensitive and need their ego stroked and to be in control of making them selves feel powerful. If you know someone who fits this category, keep an eye out for abusive behaviour towards you. In my experience, trying to get them help can create more arguments and more abuse towards you!

It is difficult to live with and be in a relationship with this type of person, as they need to continually put you down and make you feel horrible about yourself. This in turn, makes them feel powerful and in control! You don't deserve to be treated this way and it can be difficult on your mental health and self perception.
Monday, November 16, 2009
It angers me to no end, to hear people make the comment "I never hit my partner, I'm not abusive!"....What on earth is this?????Abuse is sooooo much more than being beat up. Any act of violence against someone in attempt to control and intimidate is ABUSE!!!! If you throw a coffee table at me, punch the wall during an argument, whip a glass at me, put me down and call me names, blame all your problems on me, and take away my dignity and self-confidence - YOU HAVE PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ME!!! Not only men take these actions, but women as well. Society needs to be educated as to what abuse entails. Abusers need control at all times and victims just give in to appease their abuser. There are sooooo many people in this world being abused it sickens me.

I just got back from a group I am in for greiving and abused women. There are women out there who have been abused for 40 years and are now just realizing what they have endured and the effects it has had on their lives. Nobody has the right to treat others this way, and nobody deserves to be treated this way. I hope that I can help get the message and change societies misconception of what abuse really is. Our court systems almost promote it!! If there is no hospital records or police charges - well then, the abuse didn't happen!! PLEASE!!!! Police officers, judges, lawyers, social workers, Children's aid and all professionals in social service should be fully educated on what abuse is, the signs of abuse and the character of an abuser. Children, women and men everywhere need to be protected and shielded from this behaviour. ESPECIALLY children and teenagers! We need to stand up and become educated on the profound and long term effects of physical and emotional abuse!!!
So I am a 28 year old single mom who had leave an abusive relationship when I was three months pregnant. Spending 2.5 years in an abusive relationship, and now 1 year fighting with my narcissistic abuser in court has been draining emotionally and financially. I don't understand why we as women feel embarassed and ashamed! We don't want to talk about it, and don't want anyone to know what we have gone through. This notion, has to change. People - especially women - need to be educated on WHAT abuse is!!! We need not be ashamed of the abuse we endeared, instead learn from it and become stronger women in the future. We need to stand together and be proud to be strong independent women, mothers, daughters etc.

I want to share my story and I want to hear others stories. It is not fair to us, to have to hide in a corner and keep all of our emotions, fears and feelings hidden in fear that no one will beleive us, or in embarassment to admit what has happened to us. We are the victims and deserve to have a voice and be heard! These men, are the ones who should be embarassed and ashamed and should be shunned for their behaviour. Not us!!!!