Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.
Norman Vincent Peale

About Me

I am a 28 year old single mom of a 9 month old boy. He is my world and my life. Before I was pregnant I was in a very physically and emotionally abusive relationship. My son gave me the strenght to leave that man to create a good life for my child. My life has now become a matter of protecting my child to make sure the pattern of abuse does not get imposed on him so he is a "benefit to society" not a "menace to society". I am in the midst of a court battle for visitation and child support and it is taking all that I have to stay strong for my son. His father harasses me every chance he gets and is trying to take control back of my life and I won't let that happen. Please note I am not a counselor or psychologist; I am simply sharing what I have learned through my personal experience and time through counseling and groups to recover from abuse.



Friday, February 12, 2010
So this is my final post in my series of posts on the Power and Control Wheel. When I first read this wheel, I couldn't believe it! It was the story of my abuser and my life for the past 3 years. He used over 95% of these techniques so they are good to know and to be aware of!

* An abuser will make threats to hurt you or to do something to you, in order to get his way. For example: If you don't give me what I want, I will call your mother and tell her how crazy you are!

*Your abuser will threaten to commit suicide if you leave him. This is his way of trying to convince you that he loves you and needs you. But, this is not healthy and leaves you feeling trapped and hopeless

*If you contact the police to charge your abuser, he will make you drop the charges "or else!" The difficult part is, it can sometimes be very stressfull, difficult and a lot of backlash comes your way for taking this step. But, this is a step that you need to take if your abuser is physically harming you.

So as mentioned, this is the last section of the power control wheel. Any thoughts or comments on these techniques?


Anonymous said...

My abuser used the "I am leaving and I'm going to kill myself" over and over and over. Yes I stupidly put up with it for over 15 years. It got to the point that he didn't have to say anything. Just mess around where his guns were or disappear so I couldn't find him. I wanted to leave early on but he used all sorts of cocercion when that issue came up and I was too afraid to leave. I wasn't strong enough to do it, because I also stupidly thought I'd have to do it on my own. I didn't know my family would be there for me and support me. It took me 15 years to build up the strength to realize that things were only going to continue to get worse and I was just going to have to break free once and for all. When I finally did it, I did it all on my own strength and will, and then I found out I had all kinds of support from friends and family.

I too was shocked when I read what abuse really was because I'd been living it for over 20 years without realizing it.

When I eventually had to involve the police I'm sorry to say that the rural area I was living in at the time they didn't even show up when I called them. In retrospect I think he also called them on his cell and told them I was crazy and he wasn't doing anything. They called me but they never came to my house. A church leader had to come and make my abuser leave after he had my children and I trapped in our house for hours. They will appear calm and make you look like the crazy person, when in reality their reaction of being calm in a violent or abusive situation in the abnormal reaction.

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