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Friday, February 12, 2010
6:31 PM | 
Posted by
abusemom81
So this is my final post in my series of posts on the Power and Control Wheel. When I first read this wheel, I couldn't believe it! It was the story of my abuser and my life for the past 3 years. He used over 95% of these techniques so they are good to know and to be aware of!
* An abuser will make threats to hurt you or to do something to you, in order to get his way. For example: If you don't give me what I want, I will call your mother and tell her how crazy you are!
*Your abuser will threaten to commit suicide if you leave him. This is his way of trying to convince you that he loves you and needs you. But, this is not healthy and leaves you feeling trapped and hopeless
*If you contact the police to charge your abuser, he will make you drop the charges "or else!" The difficult part is, it can sometimes be very stressfull, difficult and a lot of backlash comes your way for taking this step. But, this is a step that you need to take if your abuser is physically harming you.
So as mentioned, this is the last section of the power control wheel. Any thoughts or comments on these techniques?
* An abuser will make threats to hurt you or to do something to you, in order to get his way. For example: If you don't give me what I want, I will call your mother and tell her how crazy you are!
*Your abuser will threaten to commit suicide if you leave him. This is his way of trying to convince you that he loves you and needs you. But, this is not healthy and leaves you feeling trapped and hopeless
*If you contact the police to charge your abuser, he will make you drop the charges "or else!" The difficult part is, it can sometimes be very stressfull, difficult and a lot of backlash comes your way for taking this step. But, this is a step that you need to take if your abuser is physically harming you.
So as mentioned, this is the last section of the power control wheel. Any thoughts or comments on these techniques?
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COERCION AND THREATS
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1 comments:
My abuser used the "I am leaving and I'm going to kill myself" over and over and over. Yes I stupidly put up with it for over 15 years. It got to the point that he didn't have to say anything. Just mess around where his guns were or disappear so I couldn't find him. I wanted to leave early on but he used all sorts of cocercion when that issue came up and I was too afraid to leave. I wasn't strong enough to do it, because I also stupidly thought I'd have to do it on my own. I didn't know my family would be there for me and support me. It took me 15 years to build up the strength to realize that things were only going to continue to get worse and I was just going to have to break free once and for all. When I finally did it, I did it all on my own strength and will, and then I found out I had all kinds of support from friends and family.
I too was shocked when I read what abuse really was because I'd been living it for over 20 years without realizing it.
When I eventually had to involve the police I'm sorry to say that the rural area I was living in at the time they didn't even show up when I called them. In retrospect I think he also called them on his cell and told them I was crazy and he wasn't doing anything. They called me but they never came to my house. A church leader had to come and make my abuser leave after he had my children and I trapped in our house for hours. They will appear calm and make you look like the crazy person, when in reality their reaction of being calm in a violent or abusive situation in the abnormal reaction.
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