Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.
Norman Vincent Peale

About Me

I am a 28 year old single mom of a 9 month old boy. He is my world and my life. Before I was pregnant I was in a very physically and emotionally abusive relationship. My son gave me the strenght to leave that man to create a good life for my child. My life has now become a matter of protecting my child to make sure the pattern of abuse does not get imposed on him so he is a "benefit to society" not a "menace to society". I am in the midst of a court battle for visitation and child support and it is taking all that I have to stay strong for my son. His father harasses me every chance he gets and is trying to take control back of my life and I won't let that happen. Please note I am not a counselor or psychologist; I am simply sharing what I have learned through my personal experience and time through counseling and groups to recover from abuse.



Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Second last section of the power and control wheel. I hope these postings are helping you to understand some of the techniques that abusive men will use. Hopefully you can use this in your present, past or future understanding and avoidance of abusive relationship.


*Your abuser will prevent you from having a job. If you don't work and don't earn money, than you are dependent on him. You can't leave him if you can't take care of yourself financially. He has complete control of you and your life.

*Abusive men will make you ask him for money and/or give you an allowance! Whether you work or not, they want to control everything and make you fell powerless by asking them for money. you have the right to have your own money, and you have the right to spend it however you want!

* Abusive men will also take your money. Whether it's money you earned, inherited or was given to you as a gift: An abusive man will want to take it from you and control what it is spent on.

*Abusive men will also keep family finances a secret. They don't want you to know what finances are around: What bank accounts, investments etc. The less you know, the better! Make sure you are in the loop because if you are married everything he has is also yours! Split 50/50!

Be aware of this type of control: Abusive men will use money to keep you around and make you feel like you can't leave or you will be homeless, in a shelter or not be able to survive. Never forget that everything the two of you have belongs to the two of you. And if you want to work - WORK!! It's your right being a women in our time!


Anonymous said...

I feel like posting "yep" to every one of these. I wasn't allowed to work or even go to school for future employment. But on the other hand my abuser, after totally controlling the money, dumped all the financial responsibility of paying bills and making ends meet, on me, and left it all on me for 15 years. I didn't have "control" of the money, I just had to make sure all the bills were paid. So I did and we had a very high credit score. when he decided to quite his $70K a year job and within 2 years was totally into debt he and his mother decided we should just file bankruptcy and then in the divorce they all blamed me for my excessive spending.

But he knew that the only reason I stayed in the abusive relationship was because i was totally financially dependent on him. Sadly, I still am in a way, child support and spousal maintenance, but I'm going to school full-time and even though it feels like forever I will eventually be able to support myself and my kids, ideally, with no help from him. With his mental issues I'll be lucky to get the child support until I can support myself.

In the end the abuse ends up damaging you for quite a while even after you're out of the relationship.

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