Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.
Norman Vincent Peale

About Me

I am a 28 year old single mom of a 9 month old boy. He is my world and my life. Before I was pregnant I was in a very physically and emotionally abusive relationship. My son gave me the strenght to leave that man to create a good life for my child. My life has now become a matter of protecting my child to make sure the pattern of abuse does not get imposed on him so he is a "benefit to society" not a "menace to society". I am in the midst of a court battle for visitation and child support and it is taking all that I have to stay strong for my son. His father harasses me every chance he gets and is trying to take control back of my life and I won't let that happen. Please note I am not a counselor or psychologist; I am simply sharing what I have learned through my personal experience and time through counseling and groups to recover from abuse.



Thursday, December 10, 2009
This is a poem that my counselor gave me as she seen me in this poem. I do as well and I am sure somem of you will:

There are times when people
disappoint you and let you know,
but those are the times
when you must remind yourself
to trust your own judgements and opinions,
and to keep your life focused on believing in yourself
and all that you are capable of.

There will be challenges to face
and changes to make in your life,
and it is up to you to accept them.
Constantly keep yourself headed
in the right directions for you.
It may not be easy at times,
but in those times of struggle
you will find a stronger sense of who you are,
and you will also see yourself
developing into the person
you have always wanted to be.

So when the days come that are filled
with frustration and unexpected responsibilities,
remember to believe in yourself
and all you want your life to be,
because the challenges and changes
will help you to find dreams that
you know are true for you.

I think this is a motivating poem and I really like it.


djduffy2 said...

I read your posts with interest as I too endured domestic abuse for a period of ten years. That was 6 years ago and now I am in a 'sane' relationship and currently studying for a sociology degree.
There are a few points I would like to make in relation to a victim's state of mind both during and post abuse. For me physical violence was the catalyst of finally leaving the relationship. Unfortunately while the abuse remained nonviolent I thought it was something I could manage. I made excuses for verbal assault and saw damage to property as the fallout of heated arguments. As sad as it sounds to me now, I would wish my spouse would hit me so I could have the battle scars to prove my pain. And this bring me to my point. The term domestic 'violence' had me convinced that as long as I was not physically wounded I was not a victim. I dare say that my spouse felt the same way. I urge anyone that feels the same way to seek help. Emotional abuse is a detrimental to your well-being as any physical assault.
When I finally left, things escalated to the point that I feared for my life. Any method my ex-husband could think of to 'engage' me and therefore reinstate his dominance he would do. Which is what your ex-partner seems to be doing to you.
My method of regaining my life was to do the following:
I obtained a 3 years violence protection order (after he put carbon filings in my petrol tank)that AVO also included our son.
I moved towns
I changed my mobile phone numbers
I reverted back to my family name
I refused all contact with anyone of his family or mutual friends
I asked my family and friends not to pass on messages or tell me anything about him
When he did locate me, I refused to speak to him, instead I called the police and had him arrested(twice).

Yes he threatened me with legal action. I appeared twice in court but never acknowledged his exsistence. I saw it as a job to finish and left my emotions for private time. Despite all the threats of losing my son,I remained confident. On both ocassions the judge found in my favour.

I am not suggesting this was easy nor suggest this would work for you but I am suggesting that a stiff upper lip and sheer determination not to be bullied any further was the reason I have managed to escape the pain for good.

I sincerely wish you well for your (potentially fabulous) future

Cheers Jo

abusemom81 said...

Hi Jo, thank you for sharing your story: My ex is the exact same. I can't tell you how many times he stood up in court and made the statement "I never hit her I wasn't abusive".. But his actions were exactly the same as your ex husband EXACTLY!..I have tried to make him understand his abusive ways for the sake of my son, but he doesn't care....thank goodness he has never ever threatened to take away my son. Your story gives me that extra motivation and hope that I too will find a "sane" relationship. I can't wait unti that day...I am happy that you have overcome what you endured, I will too and I know, through my groups and counseling I am coming to the end of this process and I am finally ready to move on! Thank you for your story and taking the time to read mine. I appreciate it.

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