BELIEVE

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.
Norman Vincent Peale

About Me

I am a 28 year old single mom of a 9 month old boy. He is my world and my life. Before I was pregnant I was in a very physically and emotionally abusive relationship. My son gave me the strenght to leave that man to create a good life for my child. My life has now become a matter of protecting my child to make sure the pattern of abuse does not get imposed on him so he is a "benefit to society" not a "menace to society". I am in the midst of a court battle for visitation and child support and it is taking all that I have to stay strong for my son. His father harasses me every chance he gets and is trying to take control back of my life and I won't let that happen. Please note I am not a counselor or psychologist; I am simply sharing what I have learned through my personal experience and time through counseling and groups to recover from abuse.

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Thursday, November 19, 2009
I have come to learn that despite my inner thoughts,I am still grieving this abusive relationship that I left over one year ago. I don't think about the guy, I don't desire him (shoot! I didn't while we were together), but I still hate him. I still have anger and he still knows how, and can frustrate me. Well, I guess I'm still grieving. It has been a year and I haven't dated, and don't want to date because I guess, as much as I hate admitting it, I am not ready to date!!

I have come to learn that grieving is a process in which the timeframe varies from person to person. There are three basic stages, the first is shock, disbelief, denial or acting stage. This would be when I left him. The second stage is the longest and filled with the most variances of emotions: From sadness to crying to hate and anger. Any emotion that is still felt towards the loss that you are grieving. And the third stage is the final stage where you are ready to move on with your life. Despite my greatest efforts, I am not quite here yet, I am stuck in the middle stage.

But in stating this, there is nothing wrong with me! Everyone is different, everyone grieves differently and everyone takes their own time to grieve. Al though I am still grieving I am in denial about grieving over him! I am grieving over the abuse and not ready to make myself vulnerable again! Hopefully, I can in due time, as life goes on!!!

3 comments:

sugarplumdream said...

Thanks for having this blog. I have been out of my abusive relationship/marriage for 8 months and I still have emotional breakdowns from the realization that I let someone do that to me. It's pretty rough on those days, and I'm really pulling my life together. I have custody of the kids, the divorce will be final in a few weeks and I'm getting educated so I can support the kids and myself and know that I will never have to be financially dependant on anyone else again. Even with all that great stuff happening I have times where I breakdown, when the poisonous, venous stuff from the other party's family gets to me. I'm really needing a support group but afraid to reach out like that. I've been thinking about it for months though.

abusemom81 said...

Hi Sugarplumdeam
I am so glad you found my blog and hopefully we can help eachother get through this. I have been compelled to get through this a better women and mom and to raise awareness at the same time! Do not be afraid to reach out for help, it's a sign of inner strength!

You sound like me with the comment "I can't believe I let someone do that to me!". I used to say that to my counselor all the time, and she always reminds me and tells me that I didn't! No matter what, he would have treated me that way, and if I stood up for myself more than it would only have been worse! Don't blame yourself, learn from it, like I am and be a great mom to your children. I wish you luck in through these challenging times but it will get better! I am sure we could swap great stories on the "other family" they too throw venom and malituous actions towards me: But now, they don't even phase me! I could care less

sugarplumdream said...

I think you are right that he would have done it no matter what. I refuse to allow it anymore, yet he still attempts to have control over anything and everything that he can.

I go through phases where I'm so busy with the kids and my school that I don't think about it much. Then it starts to creep up and I do lots of research and find out more things that I didn't even know had a name. Like the fact that I went through lots of emotional blackmail from my ex. I didn't know what it was called, but I sure knew what it felt like.

I understand a little better how his family can elevate him to the level of a god and I'm suddenly this awful person and mother just because I don't want to live with abuse any longer. Abuse that they claim never happened.

I finally called a domestic violence hotline this afternoon. I had the number in my cell for 2 months and suddenly while waiting for my kids to get off the bus I called. I'm hoping to get more information from them soon. It was an emotional moment for me, but very healing also.

I have a blog also, but it's a little different and I don't talk about my situation except vaguely. You're welcome to check it out. sugarplumdream.livejournal.com

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